The Reason for Being

[Uriel]

How many of you ever came to a point in your lives where you just had enough? You had enough of this constant struggle of living, this ongoing pain that never leaves you, the fear of not knowing anything for certain about how to make your lives better and no one seems to have the final word about it, did you ever come to that painful point in your lives? I did, and much too early in my life.

 

I was only 16 years old when I just had enough of the ongoing struggle I was going through, which came from the simple need to belong and be loved for who I am.

Ever since I can remember myself I had different kids at where I lived that for some reason made it their goal to make me suffer. They did everything in their power to remind me over and over that I was not welcome among them, I could barely go outside my home from the fear of being hurt in any way possible. No matter what I did, I never felt safe.

On the other hand, I was repeatedly asked to behave in a certain ways and do certain things, which never felt right to me, in order to stay in school and be a part of the society.

 

So here I was, on one hand hated and pushed away by almost every kid I knew as a part of my society, and on the other hand, asked to do certain things which I hated doing in order to fit in that same group of people.

I broke down. I couldn't find any reason to go on and try and find a way through this endless struggle, I simply wanted to die, to end this pain.

Those were two of the hardest and darkest weeks I have ever come across.

Today I understand that living without wanting something, anything, is one of the most painful experiences anyone can endure, sometimes we want something just in order to feel alive. Not wanting equals dying.

 

Then something happened, I read a beautiful book about a boy who follows his dream, and even though I didn't know what is a "Dream" and "Destiny", something in me clicked.

I came to a conclusion which was about to change my life for good.

 

I thought of all the people who told me I can't go on doing whatever I feel like and that there are things I must do in order to be here and belong in society, and thought:

 

1. They might be right. Who knows, I'm only 16 years old and they are much older than me.
2. They don't know. Nobody knows that it is possible to live by what they feel is right or wrong for them, instead of living by what they are told to think that must be done.

 

And maybe, just maybe, there is a connection between all this pain going around and the idea that they must do something they don't really want and feel right about.

 

I decided at that point I am to let go of any expectations I have from life and to simply live by what I feel is right for me, and see where it leads me to.

Don't get me wrong, I was scared to death, but there were two things in front of me:

 

1. I had nowhere to go back to. I had and still have my family who are the most loving and accepting people I could ever thank god for having in my life, and yet, they are not my society, and I could not rely only on them as the people I would connect with.
2. I had to find a way to help people live in peace, for I couldn't bear the thought anyone would go through what I've been through.

 

It's been 10 years of ongoing endless search where I had one and only one thing in mind, to find a way to help myself and others live in peace and no matter what happens in our lives, so maybe, just maybe, this pain will go away.

 

This is my story of life, this is how I found my way out of the struggle, and although the struggle just intensified as my journey continued, living by what felt right to me, loving what I did every single day made all the difference.

 

What is yours? What is your deepest desire for being?

You are here for a reason, don't be afraid of it or from what other people might think of it, it is the great gift you will ever own, it is you.

 

And if you don't know how, when or if you will ever get there, please remember,  

It's O.K you can breathe.