A lot of people tell me they love to live in peace, and the thing is that most of them actually believe they do, how far is the truth.
I went to a Vipassana workshop once, where the main teacher said he was enlightened. Now I understand that if a person says he is something then he is not, since why would he have the need to say it out loud if he feels that he is already? Back then I didn't understand it, but I had a great need of checking people for what they say they are, and yet not with a front attack, but to ask them something about what they claim they are.
We had a board where we could leave notes for the teacher (in Vipassana workshop you stay in silence for 5-10 days), so I left him a note saying: "What is Meditation?"
You see, I never meditated before that workshop except for about 5 times where I just sat down prior the workshop to feel it and to prepare my body at least for the workshop, so I really didn't understand what it means.
I looked at him walking into the room with the board with the other two teachers, and when he picked up the note, I knew my intuition was right, he got so angry, I was shocked.
Most of us get triggered so fast we have to really think it over in order to understand what happened back there (whatever it is that happened).
Most of the times when somebody says or does something to us, it touches some part of us, a part unexplored and dealt with and we immediately get triggered by it. It happens because it is a part that we are unaware of, we are unaware of the source, and there for become unaware of what we do and how we act in return.
Each and every one of us has his and her own way of dealing with the unaware part of us.
I, for instance, always got very angry and lost proportions and it took me some time to calm down and think it over and to get my life and thinking back in the order I liked it to be, and the thing is that because I saw how people react to my anger, I became very afraid of it, fearing that some of them might decide that they cannot take this anymore and decide to leave me, so I decided to block it and them away, just so I would have some time.
You see, I did not know how to calm my anger down, where does it come from or why, and from time to time it would surprise even me with the speed it comes out of nowhere and takes me out of control, and I wanted to be safe and keep a distance between my anger and other people, just so they wouldn't see it, just so I wouldn't be out casted. I wanted to understand it, I wanted to know it, just so I can let it go, just so I could get a little closer with the people around me.
I did always have one rule though, one limit, and that no matter what, I would not cross it, and that was hitting people. No matter what, no matter when and with whom, I would not hit them. That rule made me seem like a coward at times, but knowing the anger which was built up in me, I knew I prefer being known as a coward sometimes, than being known as something far worse.
Each of us, when we look inside, has his own unaware parts (Her own as well), and that usually scares us, because we don't know how and who we will be once we will acknowledge it. Will it change us? Will we be better or worse?
Yes, it will change you, but it will not change who you are, but who you think you are. It will change your way of thinking about yourselves, and there for how you think of others.
When you become aware, you slowly learn to see there is nothing bad about it, it is actually doing us a lot of good. When you become aware of who you are, of your feelings and emotions, the energy which is within you, you learn to become at peace with yourself, because you see there is nothing to be afraid of, it is after all just you.